Ask Jenna: Sex in your 60s

Do you live in Mexico and worry about sex in your 60s? Jenna Mayhew has been working as a psychologist in Mexico for eight years. Her practice, Hola Therapy, is dedicated to helping foreigners living in Mexico, Mexicans with a foreign partner, foreigners with ties to Mexico, and Mexicans with ties to foreigners or other countries.

Now, Jenna answers MND readers’ questions about the pressing topics of relationships, mental health, and coping with the changes that come with moving to and living in Mexico.

Dear Jenna,

I am a 63 year old woman living in Mexico. I recently started dating again. What are realistic expectations for a sexual relationship at my age?

Shy but open

Rather shy but open,

What a great question! It sounds like you’re embarking on an exciting new chapter, and it’s completely natural to feel both cautious and hopeful.

First let me say that you can set your expectations high! Many people find that their sex life improves as they age and they experience greater sexual satisfaction than younger adults. Additionally, in 2021, the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that 10% of adults over the age of 90 continued to be sexually active. So you may have many decades of great sex ahead of you.

Despite the increased joy and satisfaction, it is important to acknowledge some physical changes that come with age. Physical health problems such as arthritis, chronic pain, or incontinence can make sex difficult. The sexual organs themselves begin to function differently. The vagina may become shortened and narrowed and vaginal lubrication is reduced. Erectile dysfunction (impotence) is also more common in men. Even if erections are achieved, they may not be as long-lasting or stiff.

In your 60s, it is common for both women and men to require more time for physiological arousal. This is a normal and expected change. It should not be viewed as an expression of the attraction your partner has for you or vice versa. Conversely, pain is not normal and should not be viewed as normal. Doctors, pharmacists and therapists can often offer relatively simple solutions and physical changes do not have to be a barrier to a healthy, safe and very satisfying sex life.

I would like to add that many adults/older adults have not received the type of sex education that is common in school today. So it’s worth noting that you still need to protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) even if pregnancy doesn’t pose a risk. If you choose exclusivity, you may want to have both tested. This also applies to same-sex sex. Given that nearly half of older lesbians have had heterosexual intercourse at some point in their lives and that woman-to-woman transmission of sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV is possible (although rare), protection against sexually transmitted diseases remains necessary.

At this age and stage you have a great opportunity to develop the type of sexual relationship(s) you want. Don’t hesitate to educate yourself and get support from professionals. Here’s to a long, joyful and fulfilling sexual future!

Jenna

Ask your questions

To send your question to Jenna, leave a comment on this article with the heading “QUESTION.” Please provide as many details about yourself as you would like (age, location, etc.) and why you are interested in the question.

Jenna Mayhew is an Australian psychologist based in Mexico with over 20 years of experience in Australia, England and Mexico. She is the founder of Hola Therapy, a bilingual practice dedicated to supporting immigrant and intercultural communities in Mexico. Hola Therapy offers therapy in person and online throughout Mexico and worldwide. Jenna’s work combines her extensive expertise with a deep commitment to addressing the unique challenges faced by people in diverse cultural environments.