This mother’s caption for her child’s birthday post is actually an allegory attacking her ex-husband

There is a new frontier in the throes of marital and post-marital power play, and it lies in the deeply personal and earnest letter that a parent writes to their child every year on their birthday and sends around the world about the limitless, unwavering, selfless To witness love that is reserved for mothers. And besides… they fucking hate their ex.

Heather Howell, mother of three, has a colorful Instagram feed full of beautiful kids doing cartwheels through sprinklers, eating popsicles on the Cape, back-to-school outfits, and so much more suburban happiness. But what really captivated audiences are her captions, full of layered puns and double meanings. With a critical eye we can check: What does she say? What doesn’t she say? And what is the history of the space in between?

In a birthday post for her youngest child – an old postpartum skin-to-skin photo in which she looks exhausted, proud and with a hint of annoyance at the camera seemingly held by her husband – “Ask her the Camera like this” – with a caption:

“Ginsburg, I can’t believe you’re 9! Time is so twisted and curvy. It moves both quickly and slowly. Where have the years gone? I realize what I was missing and what I deserve. Love. Keep teaching me how to love myself. The past year has been hard for you and for me, but it has never made me laugh, even if there are tears. #time #fast #slow #turn #bend #tears”

On the surface, it’s a tribute to an adolescent girl and the unpredictable nature of motherhood. But underneath there is a palpable disillusionment. She leaves us guessing in one for her eldest:

“Happy birthday, my sweet Maddox. This year we are both learning to set boundaries and say no. Bullies take many forms regardless of our age. We must forgive ourselves and others. I will always be there for you, you will always have me.”

The process of interpretation suggests that she is as fond of her husband as Orwell was of the Bolsheviks. The wordsmith then stunned us with her latest snarky post:

“Dear Luca, you are 11 years old today. I never thought I had the strength to be a single parent, the way a cactus stands alone in the dry, unforgiving desert wind, without you showing me that I could. When I feel like I can’t do it, I remember today at Legoland (your birthday present from me and only me) when I saw a sign that said “Build Happiness, One Lego at a Time.” ‘ …One Lego at a time, Luca. Show me how…”

Some speculate that Heather has her sights set on publishing her work, a Pulitzer Prize dangling in the distance. But children are useful literary tools for conveying a deeper message about marriage as the ultimate achievement, which makes them their perfect platform. When pressed for comment from Heather, she simply smiled: “I don’t know what you mean…? I just love celebrating their birthdays.” …She’s good.