What is “sexual fasting”? Everyone has an opinion on this controversial trend

This may sound like a shock, but sex is on the rocks right now. This new trend, known as sexual fasting, is exactly what it sounds like. People consciously take a break from sexual intercourse to reap all sorts of mental and physical benefits. From TikTok to celebrity interviews, couples are opening up about their decision to forego sex. When Kourtney Kardashian spoke to Bustle about her relationship with Travis Barker in March 2022, she talked about undergoing an Ayurvedic cleanse that included a sex fast. “Oh my God, it was crazy,” Kardashian said. “But it actually… made everything better. For example, if you can’t have caffeine, the first matcha is so good.”

Advertising

People claim to feel greater mental clarity, increased emotional intimacy with their partners, and an increase in sexual fire after fasting. However, the benefits are anecdotal. To date, there is no scientific evidence that sexual fasting produces all the effects these people claim. Still, we’re curious, so Women.com spoke to Dr. Emily May, a sex therapist at Private Sugar Club, talked about this phenomenon. To our great surprise, Dr. May that there are some cases where sexual fasting could be a good thing.

The essence of sexual fasting is perspective. Dr. Emily May tells Women.com that sexual fasting, when done well, gives a clearer picture of the relationship and makes the relationship more apparent other How to Succeed as a Bonded Couple. “I’ve had clients come to me completely curious about it, and I usually tell them, ‘It’s not about denying yourself something, it’s about taking a step back and seeing what else is in there.’ “, says Dr. May exclusively women. “Sometimes we forget that intimacy isn’t just about what happens between the sheets. There’s something to be said for just sitting on the couch together, fully clothed, watching something terrible on Netflix and talking. Sexual fasting can highlight all the other ways you connect.

Advertising

The point of sexual fasting is to focus on everything else that brings you together and to encourage couples to be more intentional about romance and closeness when sex is temporarily off the table. How long the sexual fast lasts is entirely up to you and your partner. On TikTok, some people reported trying it for a week. Some people on Reddit tried it for one to three months.

It is also important to note that sexual fasting is not the same as celibacy or abstinence. The latter concepts refer to people who abstain from sexual intimacy for life or for long periods of time, typically for religious reasons. We’re talking about sexually active people who decide to take a temporary break.

It is possible for couples to experience emotional benefits from sex fasting. Our expert, Dr. Emily May, explains to women that shifting the focus away from sex can open up other avenues of connection in a relationship. “Of course, sexual fasting also has numerous emotional benefits,” says Dr. May. “Stepping away from sex for a while will help you adjust to the nuances of your relationship. Maybe you’ll rediscover how much you enjoy just spending time with your partner without the pressure of having to engage in physical activity.” Additionally, sex and intimacy become even more important once the fast is over. The hope is that fasting will rekindle the sexual fire, especially if a couple has been going through a dry spell.

Advertising

People also claimed other benefits. Dr. May says some reported more mental energy when they weren’t thinking about sex. “Some of my clients who have tried this say they felt mentally sharper, less distracted, and strangely empowered,” explains our expert. “Not thinking or thinking about sex all the time frees up the space for other areas of life that need attention.” There’s no scientific evidence for this, but the anecdotal evidence is definitely worth considering.

Sexual fasting is certainly associated with a plethora of claims that it can spice up a dwindling sex life, but don’t assume that a fast will fix the relationship. “While the claims about rekindling the spark may be true in most cases, it is not a miracle cure that will transform a stale relationship into a simmering one overnight,” says Dr. Emily May on Women. “But sure, a little absence can make the heart beat faster. Anticipation can be sexy, and breaking that routine may remind you why you enjoy sex in the first place. “I have seen couples emerge from a sexual fast more excited and more committed.”

Advertising

However, Dr. May finds that a sexual fast is not able to eliminate other problems in a relationship. “I always caution that if there are deeper issues, such as communication problems or resentment, abstinence will not solve these problems,” says Dr. May. If major concerns are at play, seeking couples therapy is an excellent idea. You might even approach your partner about sexual therapy if this is a particular concern in your relationship. This can have more effect in the long run than a sexual fast.

If you or your partner want to try a sexual fast, there are some useful things to keep in mind. Be clear with your partner about the length of the fast; More importantly, be open about the intentions behind the fast. The goal of sexual fasting is to improve intimacy in a relationship in a different way, get closer to your partner, and view sex from a different perspective so that you can both come back to it refreshed.

Advertising

Dr. Emily May urges people to make sure they are not fasting sexually for other reasons. “Make sure you don’t do it as punishment or as an escape,” she says. “There are many cases where couples take a break from sex for the wrong reasons, only to end up creating more distance between them.” So make it very clear to your partner why you want a sexual fast and what you want hope for it.

Finally, don’t worry too much if it flops. “It’s okay if it doesn’t work for you,” says Dr. May. “This is just one of many techniques you can use to improve your sex life.” So if you’re up for a sexual fast, definitely give it a try. But don’t feel like everything is doomed if it doesn’t work its magic overnight.

Advertising