Clara Amfo reveals she is “mourning her childhood self” after being sexually abused at the age of five

BBC Radio 1 star Clara Amfo has revealed she was sexually abused as a child as she spoke about this “life-changing” incident that happened in her childhood.

The 40-year-old host appeared on Annie MacManus’ Changes podcast on September 30 and spoke about becoming a “survivor” at such a young age.

“In my personal life, my friends know about it and my family knows about it now, but I am a survivor, I am a victim – however you want to look at it – of childhood sexual abuse.”

“I was sexually abused by a friend of our family. And it took quite a while until I was, I think, five years old, six years old.

“And it stopped because one of my brothers found out.

“But it was life-changing.” Anyone who has experienced any kind of abuse in their life, especially sexual abuse, changes the way you see the world.

“Because ever since I was five years old, I knew the world was not a safe place.”

She then explained that as a “small child” she did not have the language to explain that she was traumatized, but “knew intrinsically” that people are capable of causing serious pain.

“Issues of trust, of self-esteem, you know, just fell apart.” And the innocence just dies in you. You can never get it back.

“And I’m mourning the loss of my childhood self, you know?” She said, crying, and was comforted by the host as she agreed, “I’m sorry.”

“Basically I was groomed, you know, and as a little kid you think, ‘This is normal, this just happens when I’m with this person.'”

She said she didn’t want to be too graphic, saying there were “perpetrators” who would listen to it, but revealed that her brother found out about the abuse by engaging in it.

“But I’ll say this: My brother found out as literally as possible, which was unfortunate for both of us, so to speak.”

“And that’s basically how it ended.” And the change was that then I really realized, “Oh, wait, that was all wrong. I’m not sure about this person.”

“Because of the shame that comes from seeing someone horrified at the sight of something.” I knew even as a little kid, even without the language for it, that I was like, “Okay, this is really bad.” And I I internalized it all.

“I’ve spent a lifetime trying to undo that and just manage it in my life, in my personal life, in my professional life.”

She then revealed that the trauma affected her throughout her adult life.

“Basically I had a nervous breakdown when I was about 18 or 19 because the magnitude of what was happening to me was really felt at that age. I was like, ‘Oh damn. What I went through was really bad.”

She revealed that she was afraid of seeing Christmas cards from this family and that she would hide the cards.

She also said that because of the fear and shame that accompanied the abuse, she denied that it ever happened to her mother.

“I started having anxiety attacks. Around five, six, seven, eight, until about 18, when I was still living with my parents.”

She then revealed that the only way she was able to deal with the trauma was through therapy: “I basically had to go to therapy in secret because I was just so depressed.” I was so depressed and so anxious and so terribly sad and just horrified. I was just horrified.’

Clara then revealed that although she was now able to express what happened to her, she was never able to press charges against the person who abused her.

She said when she was 19 she was ready to talk to police but was dissuaded. “Given my situation I wanted to go the legal route and I chose Operation Sapphire, which was something like the Met Police and specialized in sexual abuse.”

“And they were incredible. Everyone, including my on-site nursing team, was great. But then I basically got this really cold, very clinical phone call from this older man.

“He said, ‘Look, I’ve seen your statements, blah blah blah.’ He said, ‘But let’s put it this way, it’s going to be your word against his.’

Despite the trauma, Clara ended the discussion by saying, “I feel very, I feel strong.” I feel like I have a lot of control over who I am now. I think it’s also a confidence thing.”

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