A psychologist shares 3 tips for safely exploring “extreme sexual kinks.”

Everyone has sexual fantasies, but each fantasy is as unique as the individual. As a study published in February of this year Journal of Sexuality Research points out that “the content of fantasies varies widely, with themes such as exhibitionism, sadism and masochism commonly reported.” This is particularly true for people known as “kinksters” – people who engage in consensual sexual kinks let in.

Kinks are described as an unconventional sexual practice or concept. For kinksters, exploring such fantasies in real life can be both exciting and empowering. However, caution should be exercised when engaging in more extreme sexual inclinations, as these practices often involve elements that threaten one’s safety, both physically and emotionally.

Autassassinophilia, for example, is a sexual attraction in which a person is aroused by the thought of being in a life-threatening situation. For some, this means enacting scenarios in which a couple pretends to be insecure in order to gain satisfaction. A study in Sexuality and culture shows that this particular kink can be dangerous in extreme cases.

A 2020 study in Sexual Behavior Archives talks about a couple who found this out the hard way. The disturbing case was originally planned as a staged kidnapping that was exciting and consensual for both parties, but as the scenarios became more intense, the lines between fantasy and reality began to blur. This eventually led to an incident where the “kidnapping” was mistaken for an actual crime by a passerby, leading to legal problems for the couple involved.

The study warns that sexual desires that cross boundaries can also blur the boundaries of consent. While a partner may initially agree to a certain action, they may later feel like things have gone too far. This change in perception can create a feeling of violation and psychological distress for both individuals.

In another example presented in the same study, An expert recalled a case between a man and a woman in which the man had joked about grabbing the woman’s genital area in public – an act that was controversially referred to as “Trumping.” The woman initially agreed to the crime, but later reported it when the man followed her actions. As a result, both parties felt hurt and betrayed.

How to Practice Safe Kinks

So how can law-abiding citizens engage in exciting sexual encounters without putting themselves or their partners at risk?

Here are three practical tips to ensure adventurous sexual play remains exciting, consensual and safe:

1. Prioritize safe sex. Practicing safe sex includes consistent use of condoms and other barrier methods to protect against sexually transmitted diseases, as well as regular testing and open communication about relevant sexual history. In more extreme cases, it may also be a matter of having the necessary safety equipment on hand. However, it is better not to take risks that may cause damage.
2. Be strict with consent. Ensure consent is clear, enthusiastic and ongoing. Consent can be withdrawn at any time and it is important to respect this decision immediately. Have thorough conversations about each person’s boundaries and preferences before engaging in an activity. Even in intensive role-playing scenarios, it is important to agree on safe words or signals so that participants can pause or stop when necessary.
3. Make informed decisions. For those interested in exploring extreme kinks, it is important to obtain reliable information and consider discussing these interests with a sex therapist or healthcare provider. There are also safer ways to live out fantasies, such as through role-playing games or simulations that do not involve real physical danger, or in virtual environments.

By remaining informed and aware of the risks, individuals can explore sexual interests in ways that enrich their lives without jeopardizing their well-being or that of others. Individuals interested in these behaviors must take a thoughtful and cautious approach, prioritizing safety, consent, and communication every step of the way.

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