Study shows criminals are looking for two types of women

We have made great strides in gender equality over the last century, but there is still much room for improvement, especially when it comes to the shared role of parents.

Even in households where couples strive for an equitable distribution of responsibilities, one parent is generally the “default parent” – the one who keeps track of things like clothing sizes and routine appointments and the one people turn to first when they ask someone have to question. Most of the time, mothers are viewed as the default parents, whether or not this is actually the case. And on the other hand, it is often assumed that fathers are disinterested and clueless about their children.

A story shared by a father on Reddit about being dismissed by doctors during an emergency room visit illustrates this issue:

“I went to the emergency room with my son and my wife, he had an emergency food allergy. The doctor comes in, looks at both of us and says, ‘Mom come out and fill out this paperwork, she probably knows more than Dad.’ While my wife was out of the room filling out the paperwork, another doctor pulled out a medical bracelet and asked me to verify that the information was correct. Before I could check the spelling of his name, he pulled it back and said, “I should ask.” “Mom, dads never know.” But I know everything.”

His frustration is understandable. He is a dedicated, committed father who knows his children well. It’s not okay for someone to just assume they don’t know anything. At the same time, there is a reason for the assumption, as unfair as it feels for this father.

Doctors said it’s a real problem when fathers don’t know their children’s information

This may be a hard pill to swallow for responsible fathers, but according to doctors, nurses and other medical professionals, the clueless dad stereotype is shockingly close to reality. Many fathers do not know their children’s date of birth, the full spelling of their name, or important health information such as allergies. In fact, some doctors shared that a surprising number of men don’t even know about them own health history or medical conditions, but instead rely on their wives to keep track of these things.

“I work in a medical field. I never assume the father doesn’t know, and I have met many fathers who were involved and knew all the relevant information. But I’ve also met fathers who really didn’t know when their child’s birthday was.” Their last checkup was or if they had any allergies. I’ve also met dads who looked at me like I was crazy because I expected them to know that. I’ve never experienced anything like this before.

“Emergency room nurse here. Although it is unacceptable for them to assume that Dad has no idea, I understand why they do that. I can’t tell you how many kids I’ve examined with dad who doesn’t even know their birthday, or how old they are, or why they brought them in the first place. On the other hand, in 99.9% of cases, mom knows everything about the child. Still, I would never just dismiss Dad like that.

“I guess you’d be surprised how many dads don’t know the answers to basic medical questions like date of birth, allergies, height, weight. This is very common and yes, quite disheartening.”

Apparently many fathers don’t know a lot of basic information about their children.Photo credit: Canva

“I recently started working in healthcare and it’s shocking. I expected such disinterest from older, more traditional parents, but they are my age or younger. I just mistakenly believed that our generation was better at these things.”

“When a parent (almost always my dad) doesn’t know the answer to something like a birthday or a medical complaint, I don’t just laugh it off like some of my colleagues do. I want them to look me straight in the eyes and tell me that they don’t remember their child’s birthday. I’m being polite, but I’m definitely not saying, “It’s okay, don’t worry.” They should know.

“The same. I’ve also had male patients who had no idea what was going on with their health and simply told me to ask their wife.”

They have no idea what medications they are taking, what those medications are for, what surgeries they have had in the past, or why… it’s like they don’t think this information is important enough to know? Of course, these guys couldn’t tell you about their own children if they didn’t tell you about their own health. Of course there are men who are not like that. But damn, many of them have no relevant information in their skulls at all.

“The stereotype exists for a reason. I have met so many fathers who do not know their children’s birth dates, their social circumstances, allergies, medical history, vaccinations, medications, school information, teachers, daily habits (like bedtime or diet), and so on.

Even worse, sometimes they’ll lie or downplay rather than admit they don’t know.

Sometimes at some point they would say things like, “Well, the doctors said it was asthma, but I think he just doesn’t like running for sport,” or “He used to have this weird allergy, I don’t know what it was, but it.” is better.” Now’ and the woman screamed, ‘YES, IT’S BETTER BECAUSE HE TAKES 6 PILLS A DAY FOR IT.’ I have rarely encountered this behavior from mothers.

I’m sorry that you were judged based on the actions of others. That’s shit and not fair. However, doctors need to be very pragmatic and limit themselves to the most reliable source of information, which is usually the mother.”

It’s not just ignorant fathers who are perpetuating the problem.

The men definitely need to get better here, but that’s not the only change that’s needed. Society’s low expectations and assumptions that only mothers know also need to be changed so that fathers who advocate don’t have to fight an uphill battle themselves.

“What’s frustrating is that when people default to the mother for things, they’re essentially helping to make the stereotype true. My wife tends to be more knowledgeable about what’s going on with the kids at school and their extracurricular activities, but that’s up to the teachers/staff/whoever.” I’ll rather reach out to her first, and maybe I’ll go here and as mentioned in an email. Even if my name is first in the contact information, my wife is the first point of contact for almost everything…

However, not all fathers are clueless about their children.Photo credit: Canva

“And you know what? My wife hates that she is always the one contacted about everything. That’s why we usually call me first or as the main contact if they want parent contact information. In 95% of cases the mother is still the default. I am not always available to read emails and respond in a timely manner. I am available most of the time.”

“My husband is a stay-at-home dad. When the child went to public school, we had him as a contact person. We even called and made sure they noted it. They always called me first.”“I’m a father who generally knows more about the children in these situations than the mother, so I’m completely frustrated. They are simply prejudices. And I don’t like the fathers who helped establish this stereotype. My father didn’t know that.” also don’t fit the stereotype.

“When our children were younger, my husband was a stay-at-home dad, everyone knew that (school, other parents), but they still always tried to reach me first, e.g. E.g. one of the children was sick and needed to be picked up to make arrangements for play dates and so on. “Thanks, let me try to reach my husband because I’m at work and at least an hour away by car. I can’t really talk to him about what he can or can’t do right now.”

I admit that sometimes I do the exact same thing with other moms in similar positions, even though I’m aware of it, ugh. Typical gender role expectations are somehow so deeply anchored in all of us, even if we don’t like it ourselves. I hope the next generation is less stuck in their expectations.”

Should we celebrate fathers who actually keep track of their children’s basic information? At the moment, yes.

It may seem silly to praise fathers for something as basic as knowing their own children’s birthdays, but given the many stories of clueless fathers in this thread, it seems justified. Having low expectations and complaining about them doesn’t seem to help. So perhaps celebrating fathers who defy the stereotype will help raise the standard.

“Look at the glass as half full – as a father (I am) and if you have even the first inkling of any of this, you get a gold star for trying, while under the exact same circumstances they probably do would call CPS” about the mother. And if you meet the “mom” standard, you’re on your way to winning the Nobel Prize for Dad.”

“Dad thinks you’re great. My father was the father. He bought me pads and tampons when I needed them. He knew when I needed a break from my mother and brothers. He would take me from school to go fishing or hunting. That was him.” The first person to hold his grandson and his umbilical cord was cut. He’s made a lot of mistakes, but being my father isn’t one of them.

My father became my father when I was 3 years old. He is my example of what a husband and father should be.

Finally, someone got to the heart of the matter: “Nobody wins in patriarchy.” No mothers, no fathers, no children. So kudos to the original poster for pointing out an unfair prejudice, to the commenters who explained where it came from, and to everyone working to change the status quo. Hopefully conversations like this will help us make further progress on this front.