An open letter to child influencers

There is no doubt that children are our future. But are they really? In most cases, they are doomed to failure because for some child influencers, raising an unproductive child is easier than raising a productive child. Now when I say “child influencer,” I’m not talking about a YouTube or TV personality, and I’m not talking about Oprah, Greta Thunberg, or any other socialist weirdo. I’m talking about parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. I’m talking about educators, coaches, clergy, mentors and everyone who plays a role in a child’s life. Because children learn from each of these interactions every day, and if we become complacent, a child’s purpose in life, their destiny, can change forever.
I believe that children need to be challenged every day. They need to be involved in conversations and be aware of their thoughts and actions. And I understand that parents are busy with their careers and some or many may have conflicts with work-life balance; But to maintain a successful next generation, sacrifices must be made. Unfortunately, for some children this is not so easy, and this is where teachers, coaches and other family members come into play. It’s sad, yes, but even a spark of support can do wonders.
The war and subsequent cancer ruined my chances of fatherhood, but my sister and brother-in-law gave me the chance to be the second father to my nephews. I seized the opportunity and continued my recovery from cancer. It gave me purpose in life instead of focusing on depression and feeling sorry for myself because of my illness. Of course, the boys were past the diaper stage, a time when I enjoyed changing smelly diapers and occasionally getting hit in the face by the stray streams while the babies learned about bodily functions in a fun way. But as they grew, I decided to take on a smart role and exert influence over them.
I had a lot of time to think as I battled cancer and lay on what I thought was my deathbed. Naturally, I thought about my sins and how I could make up for them and make peace with God. Then I thought about my sister, who was pregnant with my youngest nephew at the time. Life is so precious and even though I was struggling with my life at the time, I wanted the best for my nephews and was committed to helping make the best of them. After I recovered from cancer, I spent most weekends with them, helping them with their first school assignments, teaching them life lessons about finances, and giving them relationship advice about putting the cart before the horse.
I got them thinking, perhaps at the traffic lights, by asking, “Give me examples of people who haven’t properly prepared for life?” They looked around and saw someone on the street begging or cheapening sold flowers. Looking at the overhang of a kitchen cabinet, I would ask: Where would one think a toaster might have once stood on the countertop? They looked at the cabinets and noticed that one cabinet door was slightly charred. And they got it. That’s why I believe that children should be constantly challenged. Of course, they should take a brain break from time to time, but not to the point where electronics rob their minds to the point of meaninglessness. Of course there are good electronic educational games, but they should never be a complete replacement for good old human interaction.
One program I like in our local school districts is the mentoring programs. Conroe, Montgomery and Willis each have their own individual programs, and qualified mentors typically meet with students twice a month for lunch, a bite to eat and just chat about whatever. The age of the programs varies, with some mentors ensuring their mentees graduate after knowing them for years. The program provides students with an adult influence that gives them a different perspective than their parents or teachers. It shows students that someone other than their teachers or family cares about them, and it is a great way for students to use their communication skills by expressing themselves first to strangers and later as a trusted friend.
The goal of every parent is to have successful and independent children. It should be everyone’s goal in a child’s life. We definitely don’t need a generation of dependent adults who could have been molded into responsible adults. We already have enough of that. We need expectations for our children. The bildungsroman “Great Expectations” by Charles Dickens is an extreme example of what I’m talking about. However, if you set reasonable expectations for your children, they are achievable. I would say expect success.
Children still need to be integrated into society. When my nephews were growing up, I took them to flea markets. They loved airsoft guns, and when each of them got old enough, I gave them the money and they went into business for themselves. I just stood in the background and watched, rarely intervening, and they did well. Each of my nephews has done great work, and two have good wives, children and great careers. The youngest still has a great job and will follow suit one day since he is still under 25.
One of the concerns I’ve seen is with parents who are doing well and where the child who was given everything as an adult doesn’t get the stellar career that made their parents successful. Of course, everyone wants the best for their children, but they must understand that with success comes sacrifice. I don’t care if the parents are worth $2 million or $2 billion, the kids have to have a part-time job or at least volunteer to get involved. You don’t have to drive the newest hot car off the showroom floor. To me, this screams arrogance, and if the child’s friends are offended by this, then maybe they shouldn’t be friends at all. A little humility never hurt. I think it builds a child’s character, especially as they grow up and are willing to work a little harder for that career over time.
We know that children are products of their environment and absorb all the available information that surrounds them, usually for the better. Then there are environments that are not positive and children embrace them without knowing how to differentiate between the two. There are also cases in which the child is gifted and comes from an environment that does not meet his or her original expectations, and success results from this.
No matter what role we play to children, we should all be committed to contributing to their success. Parents and educators share a large share of this responsibility, and when one of these contributions is missing, others must come to the rescue. I did my part for my nephews so my sister could resume her career, and now that they’re grown up, I’m happy. I just wish all children could have that extra person in their lives to help when needed, provide insight and wisdom, set a child’s purpose in life, and help them achieve a plausible destiny.
Ruben can be reached at: [email protected]