Is “Hurried Child Syndrome” real?

The list of what we shouldn’t say as parents seems to be growing – first we were told we couldn’t say “Good job,” then we were banned from saying “Be careful.” [For the record, I don’t think there is anything wrong with “good job” or “be careful”— except that these phrases are perhaps not specific enough to communicate exactly what you are expecting to your child]. Now the phrase “Hurry up” has effectively been deleted.

The recent controversy over “Hurry Up” appears to have stemmed from a post that went viral on Instagram claiming that the The most common cause of anxiety in children is parents rushing them. But almost all parents who have young children literally attend or attend school any An activity occurring at a particular time likely attempted to force or push the child out the door. So is this a real problem or just another way to make parents feel guilty about completely normal behavior?

Since I’m not the type to allow parent-shaming without at least questioning the source of the claims, I asked the psychologist who made these bold statements if she could please send me a link to the research on which she was referring to. She sent me this article that claims that rush child syndrome leads to stress and depression, but doesn’t cite any actual research, just cites other articles on rush child syndrome, which are also not based on actual ones based on research results. Additionally, as described in this article, rush child syndrome appears to be a different and broader concept than simply urging a child to get out the door.

What is Hurried Child Syndrome?

So where does this concept come from if it’s not based on research? The psychologist Dr. David Elkind coined the term “hurried child syndrome” in his book “The Hurried Child,” originally published in 1981. B. if a child is overloaded with extracurricular activities, is under pressure to perform or a child is expected to act older than he or she is. However, “hurry child syndrome” is not an official diagnosis used by mental health professionals and it appears to be a more theoretical concept.

But does saying “hurry up” actually cause anxiety?

So rush child syndrome seems like a different concept than just occasionally telling your child to hurry up, but you may still be wondering whether rushing causes anxiety in children. It seems possible that regularly hectic children cause stress, which in turn leads to chronic anxiety. However, we currently have NOEvidence that saying “hurry up” or rushing a child causes fear or negative consequences. Research suggests that anxiety disorders in children are caused by both genetic and environmental factors (translation: both nature and nurture), and it is unlikely that any one factor alone would cause an anxiety disorder. Some research has shown that excessive parental control leads to anxiety in children. This could look like not allowing your child to make any decisions during the preparation process, giving them no control over their schedule, or doing everything for your child. Still, asking your child to hurry or rush doesn’t seem overly controlling or intrusive. More broadly, research finds that parenting accounts for only 4% of the variance in childhood anxiety, suggesting that your parenting choices alone are unlikely to lead to an anxiety disorder in your children.

Complete translation

We have no evidence that rush child syndrome is a real problem for parents or that telling your child to hurry up causes anxiety. However, telling your child to hurry up may not be the most effective strategy as it is not informative and does not teach skills. Additionally, hectic pace can cause immediate stress for both you and your child.

So what can you do when you feel the need to “Hurry up”?

1. Be more specific. There is nothing inherently wrong with saying “hurry up” or rushing your child. However, it doesn’t give them any information about what they are doing should do. Even though it seems obvious to us adults, it is not always obvious to children. For example, instead of “Hurry up,” you could say, “Please go to the car.” One of my colleagues, The Mom Psychologist, recommends parents tell their children what they need to do in one or two words, such as “shoes.” or “breakfast,” and I agree that limiting language can be very helpful for overwhelmed parents and children in these situations

2. Help your children develop time management skills. Give children a sense of time through timers (visual timers like the Time Timer can be particularly useful), songs, or other concrete ways to explain the amount of time. One of our goals as parents is to teach children to ultimately manage their own time.

3. Plan more than enough time. Everything with kids takes longer than you think, and a lot of our time pressure is self-inflicted because we don’t schedule enough time (and believe me when I say I know how hard that is – I’m at least once a week to blame for that day). Instead, try to be ready 15 minutes before you leave so you don’t have to worry about being late if the inevitable diaper blowout or shoes are missing!

4. Let them deal with the natural consequences of being late. This isn’t always possible, but try to expose your children to the natural consequences of being late whenever you can. Of course, you don’t want your child to be late for school every day, but if you’re going to a place where your child is motivated to show up on time, such as a birthday party or a movie, go with it Deal with the natural consequences of being late, which could mean missing all or part of the event. Of course, it’s only fair to warn them (for example: “I’m setting a timer for 5 minutes and if we don’t leave before the timer goes off, you’ll miss part of the movie.”)

5. Manage your own fears when doing late runse. Being late is a common source of anxiety for parents, and it makes sense because there are real implications of being late as an adult. If you were late for work every day, you would probably lose your job or at least the respect of your colleagues. Your increasing anxiety may be compounded by children who move unimaginably slowly. However, as you may know from experience, being anxious or losing your temper yourself will only make the situation worse. Stay calm by using coping strategies such as deep breathing and self-talk (e.g., telling yourself, “This isn’t an emergency” or “This isn’t worth losing my peace over”).

Dr. Cara Goodwin, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and mother of four children. She specializes in child development and has spent years researching child psychology and neuroscience, providing therapy for children of all ages and parent training. She is the founder of Parenting Translator, which translates current scientific research into information that is helpful, relevant, and accurate for parents and caregivers through an Instagram account, a newsletter on Substack, and a blog on Psychology Today. Dr. Goodwin is also the bestselling author of the children’s book “What To Do When You Feel Like Hitting.”