A “stupid” accident took my son’s life, but he died a hero

In 2019, Josh Chapman was enjoying life as a new father to his baby daughter Harper-Mae.

At the age of 24, he was a fun-loving guy who had a large circle of friends and was a loving partner with Emma for nine years.

Despite struggling with ADHD and dyslexia in school, Josh was the class clown and became known for his big personality – and his even bigger heart.

Mum Lisa, 56, describes him as “loud and charming, with a real eye for detail”.

“He was Captain Chaos,” laughs Lisa. “So loud, so funny, he just had the biggest smile – which meant he got away with so much.”

“Even when you knew he wasn’t telling the truth, he would just smile at you and you would melt. He was a cheeky guy.’

But his family also describes his gentle, caring side and Lisa adds: “He said being Harper’s father was the greatest thing he had ever achieved.”

“He was always singing to her and playing with her. “He would tell me he had never felt love like that.”

But this summer everything changed. The family was in the car together on the way home from a wedding.

Lisa says: “Typical Josh, he was having so much fun, he didn’t want it to end.” He wanted us all to go back.

“So we left the venue and got on the highway and he was really, really not happy and pretty vocal.”

“And then he opened the car door to get out and fell.”

Lisa describes the incident as a “stupid, stupid mistake.” The family panicked when they saw Josh lying on the floor in a pool of blood and called an ambulance.

“They put him in the back of the ambulance and I could see he was unwell,” Lisa says. “I remember thinking, ‘That’s what God’s for’.”

At first everyone was hopeful that Josh would pull through, and the paramedics were confident. But at Stoke Hospital, doctors delivered devastating news.

“This doctor came to us,” says Lisa. “He said Josh had an MRI and severed his brain stem.” He doesn’t respond. Then he said, “In my experience, he won’t wake up.”

“Everything just collapsed for me. I came to to hear this wailing sound and then I realized it was me. I was lying on the floor.’

At first the family didn’t want to believe the doctor, but slowly the news dawned. They called Josh’s friends to say goodbye. Loved ones spent time with Josh and held his hand while he lay in a coma.

At this point, an organ donation nurse came to talk to them. While he was in the hospital, Josh’s family was told he had signed up to be an organ donor.

Lisa, from Lichfield, remembers her son mentioning it. She says: “It was one of those flippant ‘you can have it all’ remarks, but we never sat down as a family to talk about what we meant.

“Throughout his life, Josh always tried to make people laugh – we were surprised to hear that he took organ donation so seriously.”

“The nurse told us that Josh had actually checked in twice, so we knew it was definitely what he wanted to do.”

“It felt very difficult at the time and some family members were unsure at first.”

“But I thought if someone came to us and said we could get you a brain stem to keep Josh alive, we would have tried everything.”

“Josh was always very matter-of-fact and we knew he had made his decision, but it’s a very conflicting feeling. “I almost didn’t want him to be touched.

“But ultimately it wasn’t our decision, it was what Josh wanted to do. “The last thing we could do for him was follow his wishes.”

Before Josh’s surgery, Lisa spent time with her son. “The medical team also gives each donor patient a minute’s silence to show respect for what they do,” says Lisa.

Josh died on Tuesday, August 19, 2019. A subsequent letter to the family told them who received the organs, what illnesses they had and what “gifts” they had received. Six people received his organs.

In the order of his funeral, Lisa included the link to the organ donor page.

Weeks later, Lisa and her family received letters from two of the recipients of Josh’s organs, Adam and Alex.

Adam’s wife and three children almost lost their husband and father, but after receiving Josh’s liver, he was able to recover. Lisa says: “When we received the first letter from Adam, who had received Josh’s liver, it really blew us away.”

“He explained that his family, who had gathered around their dying loved one, were told that there was no hope that a transplant could take place.”

“Even though we didn’t get our miracle, Josh was able to give his miracle to someone else.” I was so proud of him.

“It was so overwhelming to lose someone I loved so much, but to know that he gave life to so many people.”

The family also received a letter from a young man named Alex, who had received Josh’s pancreas and one of his kidneys.

Lisa takes comfort in the fact that her son can be remembered as a hero who gave life to other people, and not for the way he died.

Now Harper, now five years old, learns something about her father. She was only six months old when Josh died, and now she watches home videos of Josh singing to her while she giggles.

Lisa says: “Harper is his doppelganger in every way.” Everything is him, her personality, her sass, the things she says, it’s like he’s still here. This is wonderful, but sometimes quite difficult.

“I saved both letters for Harper’s memory box so she could read them one day.”

And Lisa and her family always keep Josh in their minds.

“Every year on his birthday, Josh’s friends do a pub crawl, they call it Tour de Chappy, to remember him,” she says.

“Sweet Caroline was the song we left church listening to at Josh’s funeral, so we play it every time we all get together.” He was the most colorful character, so we always make sure his grave is covered in paint is.

“And he loved Christmas, so we send balloons every year.”

“Josh would have turned 30 this year – which is poignant as it has also been 30 years since the Organ Donor Register was founded.

Now Lisa and Emma have made it their mission to encourage others to join the register. In the UK, all adults are considered potential organ donors. However, people can register their donation decision online, clarifying their intention and the organs they want to donate. It is also possible to unsubscribe from a donation.

“Her father is remembered not for making a stupid, stupid mistake, but for doing good things for others,” Lisa says.

Emma had been with Josh for nine years before his death. She describes him as a “great father” and adds: “Losing Josh was and is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with.” “But I’m so proud that he has signed the organ donor register.”

“He was able to give the gift of life and I truly hope his story inspires others to join the registry and make a difference in people’s lives.”

“I will always be proud of Josh for that.”

Lisa is raising funds for the University Hospital Birmingham charity. To donate, visit GoFundMe.

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